A Solution To Terrorism
Two Hump Camel Doctrine
George W. Bush
President of the United States
Dear Mr. President:
I'm forwarding some strategic advice to you, which could prove crucial to our
victory over terrorism. It is called the "Two Hump Camel Doctrine." It
was originated by Mark Laurence Donald Emerson, a member of the Libertarian Party,
living in Los Angeles, California. I fully endorse Mr. Emerson's proposal to add
a second "hump" to the American military "camel."
In our campaign to eliminate terrorism, we must be fully aware of an extremely
(1) long-standing third-world poverty, coupled with
(2) collateral damage to already-impoverished civilians arising from our military
actions. This potent combination provides extremely fertile ground for terrorists
to (1) spread their lies, (2) fan the fire of hatred, (3) inspire people to support
their cause, and (4) enlist new recruits.
As we eliminate existing terrorism, let us NOT make the terrible mistake of fertilizing
the ground for the next generation of terrorists. This danger can be largely or entirely
avoided by adopting the "Two Hump Camel Doctrine," which should apply to
ALL overt military actions (ground or air) taken in any third-world country:
1. Any military objective (the first "hump" of the "camel")
shall be accompanied by a humanitarian objective (the second "hump" of
the "camel"), which is to reduce the suffering of all civilians who live
in the affected region. Civilians shall be supplied with food, clothing, medical
supplies, other essentials, and means of receiving truthful news and information.
We shall also deliver pamphlets written by respected, peace-loving religious leaders
of the Muslim (or other) faith--pamphletswhich show respect for their religion.
2. Our forces shall REMOVE terrorists and terrorist supporters, while simultaneously
DELIVERING humanitarian aid to the innocent people of the affected region. Every
act of war shall be accompanied by an act of peace.
3. Distribution shall be the joint effort of military personnel and nonmilitary
personnel (both paid and volunteer). The Red Cross and other humanitarian organizations
shall be included. Young Americans shall have the opportunity to sign up for service
that is limited exclusively to civilian objectives. Any air-only action shall include
planes (or choppers) which parachute humanitarian supplies onto civilian targets
near the military targets, except in cases where the supplies are likely to be commandeered
from the civilians for military use.
4. All civilian beneficiaries of our aid shall be treated with love and without
arrogance. Our goal shall be to WIN their HEARTS. They shall then be enlisted to
help in the furtherance of our civilian objectives. As our army marches into any
land, our ranks shall widen with the miles traversed, as the civilian inhabitants
of the region enthusiastically join us, shoulder to shoulder, friend to newfound
friend--an enemy nation being converted into a new ally.
Mr. President, we simply cannot afford to risk leaving millions of impoverished
civilians hating us. In some cases, the second "hump" of aid distribution
might increase the short-term (strike-related) risks involved in the first "hump"
of military action. However, we MUST accept this increased short-term risk, because
the alternative is to increase the long-term risk of fertilizing the ground for more
terrorism. I therefore implore you to add the second "hump" to our American
God Bless America, and God Bless Planet Earth.
Instead of hating people you think are warmongers, hate the appetites and disorders
in your own soul, which are the causes of war. Thomas Merton